Three women have coincidentally met their fate on an East Pilbara mine site after filming inspirational FIFO-themed TikTok videos during night shift.
The serendipitous affair happened yesterday evening, not long after a throng of female-led crews clocked on at BHP’s South Flank.
While mining roles have been traditionally filled by shit-for-brains men, the pay dirt industry has recently been plagued by diversity hires to make up for past sordid behaviour.
As such, operators are now dealing with crew members who whip out their phones mid-blast and do a slut-drop and twerk on camera while coming up with a witty caption like “No skills, blonde, but on $180k”.
Unfortunately, all goods things come to an end, and on Tuesday night the iron ore hub, 156 kilometres north-west of Newman, fell victim to a simultaneous mass casualty event.
There first incident occurred at 8.03pm near a pit at mining area C, which would set off a chain reaction of stupidity.
Recently minted Superintendent Sarah McCann, asked her crew of “boss ladies” if they would be interested in chugging their flasks of coffee for the camera and subsequently pull off some dance moves.
“I have the caption boss, how about we put it as ‘You’re just jealous because we earn more than you’,” chimed in process operator Jess Wilkins.
Wilkins then proceeded to do a moonwalk, let out a “Hee-Hee” and then shimmied off the edge of an open cut pit, plunging to her death.
Meanwhile, Rachel Wallace was taking command of a brand-new spanking Diesel electric Komatsu 930E-5, or so the Integrated Remote Operations Centre thought.
In fact, the 23-year-old was not paying attention to the road and had been looking at her phone for 45 seconds while miming the lyrics of A Bar Song by Shaboozey.
Totally oblivious to her surroundings she then ran over Wilkins, squishing her like a slater under the heel of Blue Steel.
The third tragedy manifested at one the ore handling plants, where purple-haired Charmaine Busswick was busy filming ‘follow me for a day in the life of FIFO worker’.
The 36-year-old TikTok champion started fiddling with some heavy machinery near the primary crusher, telling the camera “See women are just as strong as men”.
She then walked under head end of the conveyor, filming her next segment, and had $10 million worth of iron ore tipped on her head.
While the deaths have shocked the river-front offices in Perth, others are conflicted.
Chris Taylor, fitter at the Mobile equipment maintenance workshop, who was last seen removing locks of peoples dongas, told The Bugle it was pure stupidity.
“Mate, here we are getting struck off for drinking piss after hours, but these morons are allowed to film videos whilst on the clock,” he said.
“I tried TikTok for a day and the comments were just filled with people calling me a flog and telling me to top myself!”
Following a coronial inquest, the judicial officer said his hands were tied when it came to culpability.
“If these were blokes, their bodies would have already been hurled into pit 7 and on we would trot,” he said.
“But you take away the Y chromosome and suddenly it’s the contractor who is at fault!”
