CSIRO scientists from across the country have converged on Karratha today to unveil some extraordinary findings: It’s only October and it’s already pretty fucking warm.
Those locals hoping for a slow start to the hot season have been in for a shock this year as the gauge regularly reads over 35 and we’re not even halfway through Spring.
As the humidity levels in underpants and armpits across the top end increase at a rate of knots, we asked locals for their solutions to keep cool amidst the rising temps.
Bricklayer Todd Chizzer, 28, says it gets harder every year to not go completely troppo.
“I wear a wet rag on me head,” he spat out bluntly, in between bites of his 3-day old chicken Wing Dings.
FIFO worker Susie Glenn, 40, said on the hotter days she often has to lay down where the flow of the two aircon units in her office converge.
“I have to take two handheld, motorised fans into the bathroom with me. Wiping takes less precedence.” she admitted.
Trolley collector at Woolworths Murray Hutchings, 27, said he’s not sure how many more hot seasons he can endure.
“I have written to head office multiple times, begging them to start making the trolleys out of a less conductible material like wood, textiles or plastic but to no avail. My palms pretty much have the Woolworths logo branded into them.” he lamented.
An anonymous FMG Community Engagement Officer refused to comment on specifics, but did applaud the grassroots efforts in Cheeditha of residents smashing all of the windows in their vehicles, so as to reduce the reflective heat effects in town.
With temperatures set to continue in the high 30’s and low 40’s, all we can really do to ease our pain is curse at the sun… And the multinational corporations, governments, ill-equipped regulatory bodies, malevolent graziers and timber magnates, the local council dumping gigalitres of water during the hottest part of the day on trees that will never live to see another summer.
But most of all – curse the whiny successions of neighbours who insist we cut down our backyard trees – the only source of cooling respite now gone from our heat island dumps of cities and towns.
