What a night! The glitz and glamour of the Logies has come and gone once more. One of the highest honours an Australian in the entertainment industry can achieve, the award ceremony did not disappoint in 2024.
Usually taken out by a mediocre actor or plastic surgery riddled ‘TV Journalist,’ this year was markedly different, with former Fortescue CEO Twiggy Forrest taking out the big prize for his work “pretending to give two shits about the planet.”
Upon hearing his name called, Twiggy waddled down the aisle and up onto the stage to receive his award and give his acceptance speech.
“This is amazing, what an honour,” The mining magnate said, beaming.
“This is the first award I haven’t had to pay for or given to myself. It feels incredible.”
“I’d like to first of all thank all of the shareholders who stuck it out with me and know that in spite of all my talk, I still do not give one single hoot about the planet and its inhabitants.”
“I’d like to thank the government for gutting the CSIRO in 2016 and ensuring that I could commission all the studies into my companies effects on the environment myself.”
“I’d also like to thank that Heffer Gina Rinehart. Without you, the obedient citizens of Australia would have nothing to compare me to. Thanks for being you babe!”
Walking off stage and straight onto a private jet en route to go sue a company attempting to achieve net zero in mining on the grounds of attempting to achieve net zero in mining, Twiggy was seen tapping the award to see if it had any untapped minerals he could extract.
