The viewing experience at a game of country footy in the Pilbara is set to improve greatly, after Sportsbet announced some exciting new markets for punters to wager on.
Markets like first punch to be thrown and by who, picking who will initiate the carpark smash after the game, first durry at half time and more have been on degenerate gambling addicts wishlists for some time and are set to become a reality as soon as round 6.
According to Sportsbet Managing Director Hugh Chud, Pilbara punters are one of their favourite customer bases.
“Punters up north have a huge pay packet and pretty much zero regard for how they spend it,” he said.
“We saw an opportunity to capitalise on dipshits who think they are good at gambling down at the local, grass-roots level,”
He said the Wickham Wolves club was the source of their inspiration.
“They are just so unpredictable, you never know when one of them is going to snap and yock someone – there’s so many potential markets we could add,” he said.
“Once we can get same game multis going for individual players to abuse and/or assault the umpire, we are laughing all the way to the bank.”
Gambling reform advocates have blasted the announcement, with one local, Cindy Smith calling for intervention from the government.
“Gambling is just fucked,” she said.
“I haven’t received an anniversary present in about five years cause my arsehole husband keeps backing the Eagles,”
“He thinks because he set up two screens in our home office with Sportsbet on one screen and punting tips on the other that he is some mastermind,”
The Bugle contacted the NPFL and spoke briefly with President Greg ‘Daryl’ Braithewate and he was not aware of the new betting options.
“If it puts bums in seats, I could really give a fuck bud,” he said.
“If you got enough rocks in your head to gamble on dumb shit like that then more power to ya,”
“Though I will concede that Wickham boys having a smash does sound like a pretty safe bet.”
