Karratha Adventure Sports announced today that a new meditation and mindfulness CD/DVD box set will be hitting their shelves in an effort to improve mental health outcomes in the North West.
The series features a diverse playlist of Pilbara soundscapes aimed at soothing listeners and lowering stress and cortisol levels. Narrated by an AI replica of Rex Hunt, the queue is already out the door as people wait eagerly to get their hands on a copy.
Whilst the entire track list has yet to be released, the Bugle have been given an embargoed copy of some of the highlights:
Soothing Sounds of the Pilbara
1. A 1.5m Spanish Mackerel taking off and sizzling your reel
Is there any sound on Earth that triggers more serotonin than a fully matured Pelagic going full throttle and putting your new Seregosa to the test? Put your mind at ease and melt into the soundwaves as the fish is battled tooth and nail to the surface and gaffed first time, with the ‘plink’ of a snap off nowhere to be heard.
To add authenticity and ensure the soundscape feels organic for the listener, we have added the mandatory “Oh, fuck yeah, you’re on,” uttered by a supportive crew member nearby.
2. A 2-stroke engine starting on the first go
Let your thoughts drift into pure equanimity as the soothing raspy tones of a neglected 2-stroke kicking and spluttering into gear on the first pull wrap you in a comforting sonic blanket.
Your mate yelling for you to prime it more and choke the fucker until it turns over is nowhere to be heard as the sanguine, guttural vibrations of the 1980’s Johnson hums like a Guru Yogi hovering over a Nepalese mountaintop.
3. Category 5 Tropical Cyclone White Noise Generator
Sharpen your focus in the present and engage in any number of breathing techniques alongside the comforting howl of a severely destructive weather system. Using a state-of-the-art white noise generator to emulate the sounds of 200kmh winds testing the integrity of your roof, studies have shown a 20% increase in focus and an 80% increase in puckered assholes when listening.
The compilation also includes a section dedicated to positive affirmations including the most popular: “You can go fishing today honey, I’ve got plenty to do around here.”
Local Mental Health Specialist Lyn Frankston, 55, says the CD is a welcome change to the State and Federal governments decisions of doing just about nothing to improve mental health outcomes in the Pilbara.
“Something is better than nothing,” she said.
