“Huuuuhhhh, here we go, huuuhhhh”
Dixie Swallows, 27, is feeling something akin to pure ecstasy on her way back from Miaree Pools today. The cocktail of pure endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin firing in her frontal lobe are not the result of some roadside romp with her new French backpacker squeeze.
They are instead the subsequent feelings associated with something far more satisfying: Overtaking a fucking long road train.
The CSIRO recently expedited the results of a comprehensive study in order to share them publicly as they could not contain their excitement. Head of R&D Harry Philbottom told the Bugle the intimate details.
“Our scientists found something quite remarkable here,” he said proudly.
“According to our figures, the overwhelming wave of satisfaction and relief that comes as the result of overtaking a very long road train are more potent than even the most wall shakingly strong orgasms.”
“We conducted a double blind test with volunteers who said that even a nightlong conquest through the pages of the Karma Sutra with a physically proficient gentleman named Javier did not even come close to the bliss one felt after moving back over in front of a QUBE.”
In order to make the data more easily digestible for the public, Mr Philbottom said they used pre-existing metrics for their analysis.
“Historical figures tell us that one orgasm is the equivalent to the sensation of around 100 human sneezes.” He said.
“Using that as a guide, we came to the conclusion that the feeling of overtaking a road train on North West Coastal Highway comes in at the 150-200 sneeze mark. It’s staggering really.”
Main Roads issued a statement following the publication of the data, urging motorists to continue to drive safely after reports of a 1000% increase in speeding fines for women between the ages of 35-50.
Local police are being urged to make an example of one woman they detained in a lacy frock who was enjoying a post-overtake cigarette on the side of the road after chasing down and overtaking 3-4 road trains within a 20 minute period in her Suzuki Swift.
Editors Note: Researchers added the caveat that the study was deeply flawed as 95% of female respondents in the Wickham area claimed to have never achieved full climax
