Times move fast in the ever-changing world of fashion and beauty.
That is the reality facing apprentice HD mechanic Todd Rumpstick, 19.
Walking into his local hairdresser haunt in his nameless, bumfuck town somewhere in the Midwest last week, he pointed to a picture on the wall of a large mullet and the nice Turkish man with the shears made it so.
“Haha fuck yeah,” laughed the young adult ironically but also seriously enough so that if someone who overheard thought he was joking they wouldn’t be 100% sure.
“This looks mint. I think.”
Experiencing a strange kind of cognitive dissonance about his fresh doo on the silent drive home, he fell into a contemplative heap on his sharehouse bean bag upon his return.
“Is this a cool haircut?” He typed into his AI app, uploading a side-on selfie featuring his pimply face and new salad.
“Wow. Yes, this is an excellent haircut. Would you like some tips on removing those pimples?”
He stared at the screen for a time, in a futile hope that if he looked at the response for long enough he would eventually believe it.
“Fuck sake!” He whispered under his breath.
A cold sweat broke out on his forehead, as he looked online at other mullets getting around at the moment to see if his aligned with the current trend.
“Is the mega lion mane mullet in?” He said, panicked.
“I went for the sideburnless one all the AFL cunts are getting at the moment,”
“Is it cool genuinely? Or ironically?”
He paced around the house in a state of pure dread for the rest of the evening until his two housemates Daryn Glog, 18 and Peter Glenth, 19, returned home from a big night on the beers at the local pub – The Spanked Ham.
Finally, some form of closure seemed imminent determining whether the man’s new hairstyle was cooked or based, with the paranoia growing that his two mates would likely be his last chance at getting a review before being forced to show his face at work on Monday.
Unfortunately for Mr Rumpstick they were so blind hammered that they failed to notice.
“Fuckin Cabbie – Bartender, no drive thru,” one mumbled incoherently before falling asleep fully clothed on the couch.
The other was unresponsive with his eyes fully open sat on the floor in a state of perpetual hiccuping.
Mr Rumpstick stood in front of the mirror until about 2am before cutting his losses and taking his Gillette Mach 3 to his melon.
