Pilbara, WA:
A recently born North West infant has wasted no time in issuing their future FIFO work demands, blurting out their first words incredibly early in the developmental stages – to the shock of breastfeeding mother Lauren “Loz” Healey.
“8 & 6 swing, heaps of annual leave c**t,” the newborn barked, as his mother recoiled in shock.
“What was that Kadey?” She gently whispered.
“Have you got a full diaper? Need a feed?”
She then proceeded to change young Kade into a cute novelty hi-vis outfit that a fun uncle had purchased as a gag, parading the future rum piglet around the house – much to the joy of visiting friends and family.
“Ha ha! Sorry there young Kade, only two mid-strengths a shift lad” laughed proud father and namesake Kade Snr.
The room suddenly boomed with laughter and in equal time came to a silent hush in amazement as young baby Kade seemed to respond to his father’s joke.
“Fuggin nanny state c**ts,” he squeaked, swinging his hands wildly as a result of either the Moro reflex or his general dissatisfaction with growing mine site red tape and over-regulation.
“Oh I think he’s done a poo,” said Loz, ignoring young Kade’s critiques and rushing him off to the nursery.
Whilst Lauren was off changing the baby, the family chewed the fat over the real prospects of Kade’s future in the Pilbara’s seemingly one and only industry.
“Yeah he got a bit too comfy too quick in that hi-vis,” reckoned Pop, Kade the First.
“Destined to be in a D11 cab for the rest of his days, poor fucker.”
Upon returning back from a lengthy breastfeeding session and burp, Kade Jnr let out one final remark before returning to newborn normalcy of coos and cries.
“Fuggin camp food is dogshit here!” he boomed, as he spit up and let out a convincingly wet fart.
