In an effort to cling to power, Member for the Pilbara Kevin Michel has vowed to erect a 50ft wall cutting off Port Hedland from Karratha if re-elected in 2025.
The brazen election promise has left the community in uproar after it was suggested Michel’s newly adopted credo was not only divisive but mean-spirited. The Member for the Pilbara, who has never spoken publicly on any issue since taking office in 2017, left onlookers stunned when he came out swinging to quell his critics.
“If you love it so much, you move there,” Michel lambasted.
“I’ve been around long enough to know that their scroungy iron ore pigeons have mingled with our pristine seabirds too long.
“What’s more, for years they have bragged about the publicity surrounding their honour of repeatedly being awarded Australia’s Shittest Town but I’m not letting them get their stink on us anymore.”
As Bahn Mi-wielding Michel posed outside Pilbara Bakehouse amid his “out-of-character publicity stunt” the Karratha Bugle reported a deluge of tears as several babies started crying.
Landing the last punch, Michel exclaimed “Our bogans will be on one side of the wall, theirs the other, and never the twain shall meet. And Hedlands going to pay for it!”
Renting out the Karratha libraries newest available world atlas (1987) and a DVD copy of She’s The Man, Michel was last seen phoning his staff to see if the people that built the Berlin Wall might be available for a FIFO role.
When pressed for comment, a Port Hedland councillor who wished to remain anonymous, abstained from polemics but insisted that Mr Putin would not be pleased when he hears about this.
