The Good Grocer in Karratha is now more profitable than the entire resources industry in Western Australia after posting record profits of $800 billion through the 25/26 financial year.
The figures were released this morning by the Brindle group, the family owned retail company that owns multiple overpriced IGAs across WA and are well known for shafting punters whenever possible.
“These huge profits are off the back of our families dedication and hard work in the grocery industry, and have nothing to do with the fact that we are flogging mangos for $13 bucks a fruit,” Read a statement from the company
“We are forecasting that by mid-2027, a punnet of strawberries will be the same price as a European hatchback.”
Community members across the regional city of Karratha have regularly voiced their frustration with the Good Grocer’s prices, especially during a period of the highest interest rates since the Global Financial Crisis in 2008 and a period where fuel is about two bucks more expensive than it should be.
The Bugle put these concerns to the Brindle group, and a member of the family issued the following statement via a 2am voicemail on Wednesday morning.
“Mate what profits!? I’ve just done my arse on a corporate tent at Ascot and lost fifteen grand on Knights Choice!”
“These plebs think it’s all wine and roses, try standing up all day in Christian Louboutins and the cunt behind the bar won’t even put your Macallan in a non-plastic glass.”
Our reporter walked through the Good Grocer and spoke to customers about the current prices.
“What the fucking hell cunt, this shit is fucked it’s so pricy!” Said faintly spoken Grandmother Margaret, 82.
“I have been forced to stop buying vegetables for the kids and revert to mi goreng and instant noodles,” said mother of four Sarah.
“I grabbed a few pieces of that Biltong and a toilet brush and walked out $750 lighter,” said Rio worker Mark.
Both Coles and Woolworths CEOs issued statements commending the Brindle group for their impressively blatant disregard for communities facing intense cost-of-living pressures.
“Our billion dollar profits pale in comparison,” said Coles CEO Alice Formage-Concha.
“With all our price fixing, duopoly cartel-like behaviour and we still can’t even keep up, Salut!”
