Premier Roger Cook has been left crestfallen after hearing the devastating news that Carnarvon was not destroyed in its entirety by Tropical Cyclone Narelle.
Fighting back tears in an emotional press conference today, the WA leader said the town was the Achillies’ heel of the state.
“We are still in shock,” Premier Cook said.
“I was in total disbelief when I woke to the news on Saturday morning that Chicken Treat still had its roof intact.
“This was a terrific opportunity to wipe that skid-mark-of-a-town off the map and start fresh.
“New people, new name, new look – it’s the only solution to fixing that shithole.”
Tropical Cyclone Narelle has caused widespread damage across the North West, however, it is believed to have had no impact on Carnarvon’s aesthetics.
“The town was already plagued with smashed windows, thanks to those fatherless little shits that roam the streets,” Premier Cook continued.
“Cursed those poxy BoM meteorologists and their sundials.
“They told me a Cat 4 was going to rip through the Fascine and that I could expect to see that eye sore One Mile Jetty flying off into the horizon on its way to the Northen Territory.”
Meeting with the National Cabinet today to discuss Australia’s ongoing fuel crisis, the deflated Labor leader admitted to The Bugle he had one last trick up his sleeve.
“I am going to be straight up with Albo, I’m going to say ‘look mate, don’t be sending fuel out there’.
“No fuel equals no white van abductions – capiche?”
“We need to completely sever the town’s vital lifelines.
“I’ve already given you a headstart by not fixing any of the roads or the flood levee banks since coming into power.
“It’s time for those vegetable-brained growers to stick their bananas up their arses.”
More to come.
