Royalties for Regions brainchild Brendan Grylls has lauded Ashkarnah Adult Shop for defying the boom-and-bust cycle renowned for crushing Karratha businesses.
The Pilbara prince of economics had his interests piqued on the subject during a chance encounter with the store’s owner whilst trying on a set of leather ratchet nipple crimps.
“It’s quite incredible really, on one hand we have the LNG cowboys packing up shop and fleeing the region with their tails between the legs, and on the other we’re seeing anal beads fly out the door quicker than you can insert them,” he told The Bugle.
“It’s a great tale of fiscal prudence.” He added, while trying to pack an unmarked brown paper bag into his backpack inconspicuously.
Ashkarnah Adult Shop owner Helga Von-Frump quietly fiddled a string of anal beads through her fingers like a rosary as she welcomed Grylls’ comments but admitted surviving economic downturns was not easy.
“There were concerns in 2012 that the end of the Fuck Egg phase would put us in the red, however double-enders soon became in vogue again and turned the market on its head.
“And when Big Silicon took a hit in ’15, we had to start casting our own ‘Ribbed 8-inch MegalaDongs’ on site.
“Most recently we have seen an uptick in pegging in the Wickham region, which has really kept us afloat.”
Penning his latest regional economic blueprint alongside University of Western Australia associate professor Richard Harrdon, the two men championed Ashkarnah’s foresight in the messy industry of filling orifices.
“When you drive past the strap-ons in the window you think to yourself ‘aren’t they a bit outdated’ but the numbers speak for themselves,” Grylls continued.
“Economics is usually unpredictable, but let’s just say you could set your watch to the steady growth of people buying pleasure products.
“Whether its fleshlights or the tried-and-true dildo that will take us into the future is still up for debate, one thing is for sure – Ashkarnah have their finger on the pulse.”
With the latest quarterly market reports posting a significant drop in sales due to Gen Z’s affinity for digital stimulation, the results of the white paper will undoubtedly shed light on this durable industry’s unwillingness to go soft.