A high school in the North West has announced it will reintroduce corporal punishment in
response to what it’s described as “a complete breakdown in respect for authority”.
The school announced it would begin rapping knuckles with wooden rulers for minor
offences, with greater penalties for more significant indiscretions.
A spokesperson said the return to penalties of yore was brought about by a Year Eight boy calling him “bro” after being ordered to pick up his lunch rubbish.
“Bro, low-key that’s not even mine, bro,” the student allegedly told him.
The spokesperson said they would launch a program of hyper discipline, in line with the way he
remembered it “back in my day”.
“Knuckles are just the start of it,” a visibly irate teacher told The Bugle.
“Any student heard using the word ‘cooked’ will be strapped to a stock and publicly flogged.
“Suggestions something is ‘mid’ or a person is ‘delulu’ will invite the cane or, for the worst offenders, the Cat o’ nine tails.”
The spokesperson was asked when he thought things went wrong.
“It starts when you begin to overlook bad manners,” he said.
“Any time you quit hearing
Sir or Mam, the end is pretty much in sight.”
The Bugle contacted the State Government to clarify if corporal punishment was even
allowed in schools, and was promptly told “no, unless the little shits truly deserve it”.
“We’ve run out of ideas to deal with these disrespectful little grubs,” a government
spokesperson said.
“In our view, if a principal reckons it’s just to fire a child out of a cannon into a wall of fire – then we’re for it.”
A student, who asked to remain anonymous, appeared uncomfortable about the
news.
“It’s giving power trip, it’s giving we’re going backwards,” the student said.
