A thud echoed around the grounds at the Karratha Leisureplex on Sunday evening after Member for the Pilbara Kevin Michel decisively cleaned up a teenager with a shirt front during a round robin game of social touch rugby gone awry.
Bursting through the line, Michel built up significant momentum as he charged towards the fluorescent cones marking the try line. In his way stood Keane O’Reilly, a fourteen year old neurospicy Karratha Senior High School student whose parents forced him to join touch rugby as a means of meeting new friends and developing his social skills.
Despite his visible lack of interest in the game, O’Reilly had been tagging Michel all night and by every right had completely shut the Member for the Pilbara down. Michel’s growing frustration with constantly being pinged for ‘touch pass’ and failing to score a single try led him to try a new strategy of running it straight.
“Let’s see if you can handle this ministerial inquiry,” Michel grumbled under his breath, smirking as he crossed his arms and his canter broke out into a full sprint.
While no one present had a LIDAR gun, witnesses estimate the Member for the Pilbara was travelling at least 50kmh when he collided with the young Mr O’Reilly. It was a gruelling crunch that halted play across all the games at the oval, as O’Reillys consternation of seeing a barrel of a man hurtling towards him quickly turned to a concussed haze.
The whistle was quick and severe, with the referee handing Michel not only a red card, but a lifetime ban from social sport at the Leisureplex.
“Bullshit!” the Member for the Pilbara shouted.
“He stepped into my path – there was nothing I could do sir!”
After booting some water bottles on the sideline and flipping over a bench, Michel calmed down and approached the young man he just assaulted.
“Aye, sorry bud” he said, trying to sound casual.
“Here’s a couple Labor bumper stickers and a pamphlet on determining your electorate.”
“Have you decided who you are voting for yet?”
“You must be concussed if you’re considering One Nation, ha!”
Witnesses were reportedly shocked beyond words, and one member of the opposing side spoke to the Bugle shortly after the game.
“I have never seen someone take social sport that seriously,” the man said.
“It looked like Payne Haas at 2x speed with malicious intent,”
“The parents are rusted on labor voters though so I think they have dropped any charges pending a selfie with the Member.”
Mr Michel’s appeal of his lifetime ban is currently sitting with the administrative team at the Leisureplex.
