A piece of dried dog shit tenuously linked to the world famous Red Dog from the Pilbara has come under the gavel and sold for over $1.2 million.
Coming through the Pilbara Auction House recently opened in the Karratha LIA, the petrified turd allegedly from 1976 drew art collectors from across the globe but was ultimately sold to the renowned Francois Arnault, who spoke briefly to the Bugle while celebrating his new piece.
“Zis is a wonderful thing!,” He said, holding his brand new piece of crap.
“I have excrement from all ze famous animals of ze world – zat monkey what was shot into space, ze dog off Frasier and zat grumpy cat from ze meme,”
“I even ‘ave a caca from mister Elvis himself – ze one from ze day he how you say – died on ze shitter.”
Gripping his new piece of white, crusty poo tightly – but not so much as to explode it into a fine fecal dust – the French art collector gave it a peck before his limousine wheeled around.
The head of the Auction house, Martin Drelton, made a small confession after the last of the art moguls took off from his establishment.
“Yeah, that’s not Red Dog’s shit mate,” he admitted sheepishly.
“That’s my German Shepherd Archie’s crap from about a week ago,”
“I just saw that auction where a fucken banana taped to a wall sold for squillions and thought fuck it – it’s immoral to let a sucker keep his money.”
Mr Drelton was later reported to the authorities and the purchaser of his dog’s week-old shit Mr Arnault was contacted in his native France and nonplussed by the whole situation.
“Zis is no Rouge Dog?,” he said quizzically.
After breathing heavily on the phone and tearing up slightly, he composed himself and continued the conversation with our reporter.
“Well, I saw zat German Shepherd – and she is still ze poopoo of a handsome dog – in ze trophy case she remains!”
As a result of the entire debacle, the Department of Biodiversity, Conservation and Attraction was forced to release a PSA on the half-life of a dogs faeces to prevent similar acts of fraud in the future, all under the banner of “Know Your Shit.”
