He said he wouldn’t do it and he truly believed it.
Just a couple of crackers, which turned into a section, which inevitably turned into the whole tray.
Baynton man Travis Michaels has disgraced himself this afternoon after getting through an entire packet of salted rice crackers – despite initially limiting himself to “just a couple”.
“It happens every time,” he said looking downcast over the empty plastic tray beside its discarded plastic sleeve.
He ashamedly spoke to the Karratha Bugle as he licked his fingers clean of flavouring powder.
“You tear open the bag for a nibble and before you know it, you’re left with nothing but a plastic sleeve, an empty tray and the familiar shame of being an impulsive cracker pig.”
Our reporter witnessed with increasing alarm the rapid pace at which Michaels, 31, chomped through the four adult servings of crackers.
“At one point he was stuffing a new cracker into his gob before he’d even swallowed the last one. He got through a 15-cracker section in about two minutes,” she said.
“The fat fuck must have eaten about 60 crackers in a sitting.”
Peckish Head of Marketing Peter Glenth was not surprised when he heard about the gluttonous behaviour.
“Trav is like the bullseye in our target demographic modelling. A chunky, impulsive, slightly depressed man with little more to live for than waiting for the next Marvel movie and indulging in high calorie treats,” He said.
With the shame of an alcoholic back on the wagon after years of sobriety, Michaels was last seen hiding the empty packaging at the bottom of the kitchen bin, before grabbing a family block of Cadbury Dairy Milk from the pantry.
“Just one or two squares and that’ll be enough,” he lied.
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